a pocket of time

Most days my pockets are full.

Full of stray crayons, extra Legos, gum wrappers, and other random bits that result from life with children.

Today, though, I am walking around a hotel in Florida while my children stay with friends back home.

As I walk along, I keep experiencing a strange, slightly panicky feeling that I am missing something. My pockets seem oddly empty, and my heart keeps reaching out for the familiar sound of a child who needs me.

Then I remember that I’m here to fill other pockets of my life.

Days away from my little loves remind me that life exists outside the camp of motherhood. I am a woman who is more than just a mama. I am God’s daughter. I am a wife. I have a soul with needs of its own.

It is a funny business, letting go of the need to be constantly and so fully needed.

I spend most days with pockets so full I could burst with joy at the abundant life I spend loving my children. They are God’s gifts to me in many ways.

But there are gifts that await a mama beyond the needs of her family.

The pockets of my soul are crammed with those blessings now, while I look forward to stuffing crayons and plastic ponies in my jeans when I get home.

I know that the minute I open that front door, they will rush at me, thrilled to empty their own pockets before me. They will tell me about fights they had, food they ate, jokes they laughed at, and the moments that they really missed me.

Once the chaos subsides, I will empty my pockets for them, too. I don’t know any other way to love them, but poured out, honest, and empty.

There’s treasure in my pockets for my children, and there always will be, no matter how far apart we are. Because a mama I am, and a mama I always will be.