There are days that walking by faith can be a really messy experience involving educated guesses and gut-level instinctive moves.
After a bad wreck two weeks ago, we need a new car. Being frugal and (we hope) wise, we are shopping for used options. However, Austin is mostly still a big town, and all the good vehicles are in Dallas or Houston.
So Saturday we drove our over-due rental car north, returned it, borrowed a friend’s car, left our kids in capable hands, and began the search for our future new car in the Big D.
As we pulled into the first dealership we got a message from a salesman who has the perfect option for us. But the car is back in Austin. We went ahead and looked at some more cars in Dallas before deserting the search there.
Our fruitless search ended with acceptance that we would have to return to Austin without a new car. But the question of how to get six people home without a car was a doozy.
The cynical part of my heart screamed, “I knew this would happen!!!”
The gracious, Jesus-y part of my heart saw the humor in our ridiculius situation, laughed, and answered, “But it’s all going to be okay….”
And it was, eventually.
But it’s Monday now and I’m left with no car, a tired crew, and the new realization that I am living this life of mine backwards.
I’m happiest when I am comfortable and everything works out just like I plan.
I’m smugly relieved when it seems people get what they deserve, reaping exactly what they have sown.
I am most content when life makes sense to me, and fits easily within the boundaries of my own understanding.
Unfortunately, though, I rarely really understand much.
My own selfish heart begs for second and third and fourth chances.
And almost nothing, ever, goes remotely the way I plan.
I am probably worse off than I can possibly even realize. Walking by faith requires so much more than this.
Following Jesus requires we make ourselves uncomfortable.
Jesus founded His whole purpose on forgiveness and mercy. His Kingdom requires humility and sacrifice.
And almost everything He ever said only makes sense when you see the big picture of His life and His death, and consider His ministry and His resurrection.
If I’m only happy when life goes the way I think it should, I will face a lot of dark days ahead.
I’m letting go of this box I have built in my mind. I have tried to shove all the problems of the world in there to make sense of them. But it just gets more and more full of bad news, sad circumstances, unfair endings, and upside down bits and pieces.
It’s Monday and I still don’t have a car. But maybe I have something better.
Maybe I have a life that doesn’t have to make sense all the time, or be comfortable. Maybe, just maybe, this is my 100th second chance to be more like Jesus and less like the girl I once was.
Maybe….
So so good. We are living by faith more than we ever have, and it is so uncomfortable but it sure leaves a lot more room for God to prove his faithfulness.