“The Lord appeared to us in the past saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” -Jeremiah 31:3
Sometimes I feel like God enjoys watching my life the way I enjoy watching “I Love Lucy”. You know, I get myself all worked up over the silliest little thing and then to avoid looking crazy I do a crazier thing, which leads to more ridiculous situations that affect everyone around me and then I finally just give up and stuff chocolate in my clothes and fall over.
Yes, that sounds about like my life from God’s perspective.
I also think sometimes God gets a kick out of tossing a curve ball to me every now and then so he can see how it affects all my schemes. Kind of like whenever Ricky would let Lucy audition in his club and pretend he didn’t know it was her, just so he could see how she would try to hide under a giant hat made of fruit and a huge black lace fan while she danced. I have a lot of those hats and fans. They always seem like such a good idea at the time….
Am I alone here? Or do other people feel the same way? I don’t know. I do know that somehow, in the midst all my spinning and dancing God loves me for trying to be something. He sees my heart, even when others see only my failings. He knows there is more to me than a silly costume, and that my value far outweighs my own estimation of my talents and abilities. He values me because He made me. He values me because His Son died for me. He values me because I am valuable to Him as His child, as His friend, as an object of His affection. I am His beloved. So is every other person He created in His image.
And so, every time we think we just have to get John Wayne’s autograph, and turn our world upside down to make it happen, He smiles- and probably laughs- because we think something of so little importance is so very, very important. And when we feel condemned and shamed because we fail at our task, He picks us up, dusts us off and reminds us that His love is everlasting and His mercies are new every morning. And that is certainly the most valuable thing we will ever experience, don’t you think?
Wait. Do you mean like the time I woke up in the middle of the night in a sweat of regret over an instant message that I sent to the entire workgroup (one of my previous jobs in a previous city…)? So I get up at 3 a.m., drive in my robe and house shoes to the office building. Sneak in without any lights on and restart my boss' computer so he would never see it? Oh yes, I did. Then I went home and laid awake thinking "Did I save programs that were open—or did I just wipe out some things he was working on????" #$%*@ Then I go to work the next morning having had no sleep and looked like a paranoid piece of work, let me tell you. "Lucccccyyyyy! You got some eeesplainin to dooooooooo!" –Marcie
Oh this made me laugh out loud!! How perfect. Couldn't have said it better if I'd tried.
Marcie!!! You are crazy! I love you!
I always do this kind of stuff! I'll get too self-conscious and worry that everyone can see right through me and see that I'm really just a fraud or that my feelings are really hurt. So I try and be tougher/ wiser/less "me" than I really feel so that I'll seem more together and less nutty…but then I realize that everyone probably saw all that I was doing as just a cover to mask what is obviously very nutty behavior ! Then I feel so exposed and vulnerable and just want to hide. I'm working on being less nutty and then also accepting my nuttiness by letting God's love be the light of my soul. But even that is kind of a neurotic process when I'm behind the wheel 🙂
Allie,it is like you live inside my head.