Three years in a row I rocked a new baby boy.
Tired from midnight feedings, early mornings, seemingly endless afternoons, and dozens of diaper changes, I often felt ill-equipped to handle the family God had planned for us.
I cried out to God with this question:
Why???
Why did He do this? Why did he give us three babies in twenty-seven months? Why us… why them… why, Lord???
I was met with a resounding silence from heaven. God would not answer my query.
The why was not getting me anywhere, so I focused on the what.
The what was three boys who needed love. The what was my own soul that needed time with Jesus. The what was a husband who needed his wife to love him, encourage him, and be his friend.
Embracing the chaos and mess of daily life with faith in the God who would not answer my demands for reasons changed me.
Living the what drove out my need to know the why.
Learning to love and care for my children and my husband in my exhaustion broke me open to the gospel. As my weaknesses required God’s strength, I stopped crying out for reasons for my trials, and instead I simply cried out for God Himself.
I found that loving God when He doesn’t give me everything I want is a life full of joy.
I learned that loving others more than myself makes the messy seasons of life beautiful.
I learned the richness of finding God in the details of my life, and that where He is, my heart is happiest.
Jesus did the what for us- living for us, praying for us, loving us, healing us, weeping for us, suffering for us, dying for us, and rising again for us.
God’s greatest reason for redeeming the brokenness in life is always His love for His children.
Three years in a row I rocked a new baby, and I was never the same again, in many wonderful ways. But best of all, God made a silly girl into a mama who loves her children because she knows how much she is loved by God.
And when you know you’re loved, there doesn’t have to be a reason why….
