Even the slightest mishap can cause a monumental freak out for kids.
If you haven’t been around kids much lately, or if you’ve been an adult for a very long time, you may not remember this fact.
Moms know this all too well, though. Like mini tornadoes, our children suck us up into their land over the rainbow where the world ends if they don’t get a certain cup, or if their friends get paid twice their allowance for doing half as much work, or where being happy hinges upon wearing sparkly red shoes.
Call the police, the army, the navy, and the president. Or just call Mom. She can fix anything.
Here are ten emergencies moms can face on a daily basis:
10. There is nothing to eat in the house!! Why must they stand with the refrigerator door open and fume that there is nothing to eat? Clearly there are two apples, a yogurt, a cheese stick, crackers, a bottle of ketchup, and a pound of ground beef right in front of them. Not to mention the peanut butter in the pantry next to the bag of rice. There are people in the world who would climb a mountain twice for the food my children deem unworthy of acknowledgement.
9. Bedtime. Apparently, it’s shocking to have to go to bed. Again. Tonight. Just like every other night. It’s the same deal seven days a week, but alas, they are offended, put out, aghast, and befuddled by the news. The fact that baths, requiring soap and water generally precede bedtime is another startling revelation every night. Freak out, dear children, it’s happening again tonight….
8. Lost shoes. Really, it’s more like lost shoe. Always, the moment we need to leave to go somewhere, there is a new conspiracy discovered in which a shoe has vanished into thin air. Hyperventilating ensues when the suggestion is made to wear a different pair. No child is ever even open to the possibility that he/she didn’t put the shoe in the basket to begin with. Nor do they have an inkling as to why said shoe was found on top of the refrigerator, under the piano, or outside in a tree. Total mystery.
7. Someone touched someone in the car. I suppose it isn’t completely ridiculous to expect this won’t happen when six people climb into a space that is roughly six feet by twelve feet. And I admit that often the person who poked the other person’s arm had a mischievous motive. But still, it isn’t as if he touched you with skin burning acid, or a knife, or a red hot poker. It was just his finger on your shoulder. Let it go, man!
6. Poop. At some point in the day, either a child will freak out in Target because the bathroom is too far away and they have to go now, or a there will be a baby whose diaper is far too small for its appointed task, or someone will decide they have to go to the bathroom the minute you are supposed to walk out the door, or a toilet will erupt at the worst moment possible. Glory.
5. Something spilled or broke. Don’t cry over spilled milk. Don’t freak out over a broken bowl. Don’t scream when spaghetti falls in your lap. Please, dear children, take a deep breath. We can clean up the mess, and it will all be okay. But until the screaming stops we are stuck in this messy moment….
4. Chores. It takes my kids twice as long to debate, argue, negotiate, and then accept the fact that they are responsible for their chores as it does for them to actually complete their chores. In all honesty, they are a lot like me, they don’t really want to stop what they are doing and work. So there is a daily drama about who does what and why and how and when. In the end everyone always just sucks it up and does their assigned tasks, which is good, but good. grief.
3. Someone took something without permission. And that something was so important that the possibility of a life-long friendship between siblings is now too absurd to even consider. Sure it may only be a free comic book from Chick Fil A, or a pillow that belongs on the sofa, so what? You know the saying, you’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything. It only starts with a comic book. Next thing you know, someone borrows your chapter book when you’re outside playing. That’s when life becomes akin to a zombie apocalypse, except everyone is completely alive and carrying your stuff around. The whole world just goes all to pieces after that.
2. A total lack of acceptable clothing options. Motherhood has made me rue the days I ever said that I had nothing to wear. My children basically own Target, but still- they have nothing to wear. The boys have complaints about comfort: buttons are irritating, pants are too long, waistbands are too complicated. The Lady just has no idea what she likes anymore; 2013 is her year of style identity issues. I either have to just do laundry every day so their favorite things are always clean, or they will have to work. it. out. (I vote for the latter.)
1. Life isn’t FAIR! It’s a shocking truth that is forced upon children continually throughout the day. Someone will get more chocolate milk than you will. Someone will have an unfair advantage on the baseball field. You may make a wrong turn because you were given the wrong information. My kids cry about this, scream about this, argue that we should make it all fair. But really, fair is a place where you look at two-headed goats, eat fried butter, ride the Ferris wheel, and then puke in a trash can.
And if life were always like that, people would really freak out….
