Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9
Many times I have wondered if we are making any strides at all.
There seems to always be at least one very unhappy, or angry, or stinky-faced person around here.
These giant children all seemed so innocent when they were brand-new, fresh from the hand of God.
Then came the years of “Don’t touch that- it will hurt you.”, and “No throwing your bowl.”, and “Hold my hand in the street.”. There were days I thought they would never learn to mind the rules that kept them safe.
Next we tackled the years of “It’s not your turn with that toy, in five minutes you can have it.”, and “No whining. Use a sweet voice with Mama.”, and “No jumping on your bed.”. Even now, we seem to return to some of these rules when sleep is shorter and tempers flare.
These days we face the parental detective work required by selfishness masked with a smile, the rolling of the eyes when a responsibility interferes with someone’s fun, and the anger ignited by brothers who know one another’s weaknesses.
The rapidly approaching years will hold different challenges. But the core lessons will be the same. What they don’t learn now will catch up with them later, and those more grown-up lessons will carry with them riskier consequences.
Human souls struggle under the lessons of humility, submission, and service.
Lectures rarely touch the place in their heart that God is after. Certainly a good lesson will teach them to outwardly obey us, but submission to Him is a choice only their own hearts can make.
Yes , I want my children to obey me. But what I really want is for them to trust me, so that they will learn to trust God. If they do as I say but don’t feel secure in my love I am not succeeding at my true goal.
There are moments I weary of the conflict and want to just let it all go. I could easily do everything for them, expect nothing of them, and wholly spoil them.
Then there is also the temptation in the heat of the moment to get red in the face and let them see what an angry mama really looks like. I could jump and yell, make them feel small and helpless in the hands of the woman who is supposed to love them most of all.
But if I do either of those things I lose their hearts. Is there a more precious treasure to be found in the world than the heart of your very own child? My mother’s heart is meant to lead them to His holy heart. I will lose a part of myself if I lose them.
So I hold them up before my God and I remind Him of His love for them, His promises to them, their destinies in Him. I cry out in prayer for them to learn the greatness of His love for them.
I hold up holiness before them. I show them the boundaries and enforce them with empathy, truth, and love. I tell them how incapable we all are of obedience unless His goodness penetrates our hearts and makes us like Him.
And then, I wait. I wait for their souls to mature and fully digest this gospel message. I wait for them to want to do what is right because there is a God who is worthy of our lives. I wait for God to draw their little hearts to His own. I wait as the days of conflict end with kisses and forgiveness.
I am learning myself in the middle of mothering how much love is really all about humility, submission, and service. I count myself blessed to have a God who has waited for me to learn to live the love He has been pouring out at my feet all these years.
He never wearied of doing good for me, and I have reaped a great reward as a result. He can do the same for my children. I sincerely hope He will use my own heart to reach them.
There could be no greater reward for a mama than that.
