I have been breathing life into some old, tired dreams.
Last weekend my friends and I drove to Midland for a women’s conference, and had the privilege of hearing the beautiful Lynette Lewis speak.
Last weekend my friends and I drove to Midland for a women’s conference, and had the privilege of hearing the beautiful Lynette Lewis speak.
Lynette’s inspiring words to know and live God’s dreams got down in my soul in the best ways imaginable.
She spoke of how even the smallest, least possible of our dreams are not trifles to let slip away.
I took a little inventory, and I discovered some dreams I have pushed a little too far back on the shelf, and others that I had cast away over the years.
I have cued them all up, waiting for time to prove if they will become realities or if their purpose is simply to comfort me and lead me to a future that I cannot begin to even imagine.
Here are ten old dreams that I have pulled from the pile of “Never” and put back up on the shelf of “Maybe”:
10. Amazing Fall Boots. Let’s just start with the most ridiculous of my dreams. I wanted the same boots every fall for at least six years. Every year, though, I decided that new boots should not be so expensive. I should feed the homeless, pay for my children’s Christmas presents, or buy shoes for a dozen children in a third world nation instead. I tried cheap boots but they always fell apart, so I quit buying them. Maybe this year I will open my front door and find a boot tree has miraculously sprouted in the yard. Dream on, bootless heart….
9. A pool. In the summer there is nothing I want more than to be poolside all day long. In Texas, summer starts in late March and ends in Early November, so we would definitely make use of a pool. But a pool isn’t practical, putting one in is crazy expensive, and everyone rolls their eyes when I talk about it. Roll on, people. This girl is dreaming of a sparkly blue pool right outside my back door.
8. Children who don’t fight. For Christmas and my birthday every year, I tell the kids I want one thing: children who love each other. They smile and make promises, then turn around and smack each other around because someone took too long in the bathroom. That’s when I think, “My dream is dead.” But then, when Valentine’s Day approaches, they make each other cute hearts out of red paper and write silly poems to each other. I pick up my dream again, and tell them, “I know what I want for Valentine’s Day: children who love each other. Hmm…and maybe a pool.”
7. Publishing a children’s book. Last year I wrote a children’s book. I sent it to several agents and my emails went exactly nowhere. A friend of mine is a professional illustrator, and she has been working on my book between her other projects. When she finishes I will have to figure out what to do with it next. Children’s literature is incredible competitive, and sometimes I feel like every person I know has either written a children’s book, or wants to write a children’s book. But it isn’t the uniqueness of a dream that makes it plausible, it’s the favor of God that brings His plans about. So, when I publish that book, I hope you buy it!
6. Hardwood floors. I have white tile with black grout in my house. Well, technically it’s white grout that is so filthy it looks like black grout. I have tried cleaning it, but it it’s impossible to clean and seal 2,000 square feet of grout and be a functioning wife and mother. Besides, the whole time I’m scrubbing I’m thinking how much better hardwood floors would look, and my heart increasingly hardens against the black grout as it taunts me with its steadfastness filthiness. But someday, the hardwood fairy may come and that mean black grout will be banished to the wastelands. Take that, dirty grout!
5. A lost necklace. On the week of my wedding, my step-grandmother, Millie, gave me an incredible diamond cross that had been her own for many years. I wrapped it around my bouquet and carried it in our wedding. I treasured it for many years. It was beyond value, being very expensive and very precious to me sentimentally. I took it to a jeweler to be cleaned two years ago, brought it home a week later, and then I couldn’t find it again. I had given it up as a lost cause, but maybe when we put in the hardwood floors or the pool it will be miraculously unearthed from it s hiding place….
4. A bigger house. When I’m not imagining a pool in my backyard or hardwood floors sprawling out around me, I am imagining adding on few rooms. On Thursdays when we host community group, it’s a little like sardines packed in a tin can around here. I’d like a kitchen table that seats twenty, a living room with cozy bleachers, and space for the kiddos to roam. In the meantime, we pack this place out for Jesus, refer to or house as “cozy”, and thank God for lower energy bills, fewer rooms to clean, and for living so close to the church.
3. Living abroad. Here’s how I knew Mr. Fantastic was my forever love: he told me he felt called to live in Western Europe someday. I promise you, I did not ask leading questions in order to get this information. I’m pretty sure the Holy Spirit tricked him into saying it, and I took the bait. He actually specified France, Italy, and Spain. (Oh my gosh!! Me too!!!) After we were married, I don’t think he even knew he had ever said such a thing. We have a lot of years ahead of us, though, so it’s not so crazy to dream of another continent someday. In the meantime, I’m teaching my kids Spanish, and exposing them to a little French and Mandarin. Just in case they need it sooner than we could ever dream.
2. Writing a book. Because I write a blog, people ask me when I will write a book. I always answer the same way: I don’t know. I have tried to start one several times. I just can’t seem to get very far. But maybe inspiration will strike one of these days as I type away. Maybe there is a book in my heart, waiting to be written. Maybe….
1. Felicity Evangeline. She may be out there somewhere, the baby I dream of adopting from China. However, doors close gently when I seek her. God quiets me when I ask about her. I have picked up this dream and set it down countless times. But the dream of her enraptures my heart. She is Felicity Evangeline; ever the face in my mind of the Joyful Gospel, the hope of God’s heart to bring the orphan home. Because of her I love adoption, and I love people who reach out and care for the weakest in the world. Dreaming of her makes me more beautiful, more like Christ, more mindful of my need to relinquish my self-centered, silly ways, and more open to the possibility that my God can do many amazing things…
…amazing things, like making the tattered, tear-stained dreams of a tired and worn out woman’s heart come true. That’s the God I love to serve, live to follow, and hope to emulate. My dreams make me grateful to be in the palm of His hand, living on a constant diet of grace and truth.
May He be glorified in all we dream.
Carrie, I share #8, 6, and 4 with the possibility of #1 (no where near close or trying, but would love to be a part of the Gospel element of adoption).
Here is an encouragement about boots! Last Winter I merely thought, didn't even pray, just had a passing thought, "I'd love to have some new boots, but they're so expensive, so these ones are fine even thought they're about 11 years old." The next day, a friend called and asked my shoe size. She then went on to say that she had 4 pair of boots that she was never going to wear and did I want them! One were a Joan and David pair that she had never worn! I walked away with 4 pairs of boots! I gave two away and kept two. Then another friend called and said, " I have a pair of boots that I don't fit into anymore and I'lll bring them to church for you."
Now, if that's just me, not even a shoe person, not even with boots in my top ten dreams, then SURELY God has a pair for you!!!!!
🙂
Carrie, wow, I'm choking up reading your ten dreams, and honored to have inspired even a few of them to resurface in your mind and heart. Your writing is so beautiful, I want to buy your book and soon!! Meanwhile, thank you for inspiring ME as I read all you share here. Keep writing and dreaming, I for one, need your voice in more ways, louder than ever before, AND your stories!