ten reasons being a mom is just like being a celebrity

These days, it seems like anybody can become famous. Backwoods duck call manufacturers, people who can sing “just okay”, pretty faces, bad actors, half-naked comics, etc.

If you’re trending, you’re in.

But really, everybody is famous to someone. And no one is more of a celebrity than a mama. Really.

Here are 10 facts that prove that being a mom is just like being a celebrity:

10. Everybody knows you. Seriously. You can be, say, at Target, and your toddler could start climbing a rolling rack, dangling from the corner of it while making monkey sounds, and the strangers around you will start calling out, “Excuse me! Mom! Mom! I think your son needs help.” Or you could be sitting in the hair salon under the dryer and a woman could come up to you and say, “Excuse me, Mom, are those your children up front? They are so well behaved.” And just like the public does with celebrities, they will draw their own conclusions about your behavior, your children’s behavior, and how it’s all linked to your character. They may not be right, but they will think what they choose to think. It’s a burden to be famous, really.

9. All day long, hands will reach out to touch you as you walk by. No celebrities get more groped by the public than a mother of young children. They sit on you, next to you, near you, with you. Lord help you if you decide to lie down on the floor. They will poke your eyes, pull your hair, and laugh as they sit on your face. They want you to hold their hand (cute) and kiss their snotty face (gross). But you endure it all because, lets face it, it generally feels good to be famous like that.

8. Moms are great actresses. This skill is displayed when a mom with a sensitive child acts brave when face to face with a GIANT spider. Or when a child is both disobedient and ridiculously hilarious, she acts stern and laughs alone later. An exhausted mom may act like she has energy instead of crying when an entire box of Berry Berry Kix is dumped in the living room, then clogs up the vacuum when she tries to clean it all up. The amazing thing about all this acting is it often helps us to mature and learn to respond better, love more, and roll with life’s ups and downs. Fame has its lessons.

7. People are always writing you fan letters. Sure, sometimes they look more like scribbled coloring pages of Lightning McQueen or Rapunzel, and they often include backwards “D”s and misspelled words like “MUhthER”, or they are from teachers who are frustrated with your tardy children, their unfinished homework, or your daughter’s affinity for talking in class. Nonetheless, you receive these letters because you are a mom, and therefore famous and important.

6. Magazines are full of articles about YOU. Go ahead, open up In Style, Real Simple, Better Homes and Gardens and bask in your glory. There are pages and pages devoted to you, Mom. From maternity fashion to home organization, work/home balance, meal planning; all things “Mom” can be found out there. Never mind that this can be an unbelievably overwhelming amount of information; this attention is yours because your needs are at the top of the list. These magazines are courting your affections with their cleverly written articles on family getaways that will wow the children and rest the mama. Enjoy.

5. You have an agent who is constantly trying to control your schedule. That agent is your child. You plan to sleep, your agent plans a night of colic. You plan a date with your husband, your agent plans to get the flu. You plan to take a bath during nap time, your agent plans to play dinosaurs. You plan to reorganize the pantry while the kids are at school, your agent plans to get called to the principal’s office. Shockingly, your agent also takes a percentage of all your income, right off the top, without so much as a thank you. Good grief.

4. You endorse products. On Facebook people ask you to recommend baby swings, preschools, and little league coaches. In stores you will get stopped by grandparents, wondering what little boys really like to play with these days. When someone comes over to your house and sees the dishwasher detergent you use, they will want to know if it works well. Everyone wants to know what you prefer, use, and recommend, obviously because you are famous.

3. You go everywhere with an entourage. The grocery store, Starbucks, the library, the neighborhood pool; your peeps are with you. They are also with you at doctor appointments, in the potty, and often in your bed when you want sleep more than a fussy toddler wants his blankie. Like extra appendages that have sprouted and grown out of the ground around you, they track you like a CIA operative and refuse to let you leave them. You are never, ever alone. Ever. Really, like, never.

2. Everyone listens when you talk about important things, then they dismiss the content of your opinion. Sometimes you get asked simple questions like, “Which hand is my right hand?” Other times you get asked hard things like, “What makes water wet?”, or “What is global warming?” As you begin your explanation, there is a great deal of focus and attention given to your words. Then 2.3 minutes later a Corvette drives by, or the questioner thinks about unicorns or cookies, and suddenly you are talking to yourself.

1. You are loved more by people than you ever expected. Who knew that you would one day step out of bed, hair in pony tail, no makeup, sweatpants stained with baby food, and hear a four year-old exclaim, “Mama, you are bee-yoo-tee-ful!” How could we ever have expected to possess the charm necessary to win the hearts of these little people by doing nothing in particular except mothering them? It is shockingly fabulous to be loved like this, and makes all the downsides of the celebrity completely worth savoring. Because like all famous folks, we also know that fame is fleeting and one day these fans of ours will fly away to become famous in their own way, and then we will be left savoring the memories and awaiting an even greater celebrity status: being a Grandmother!