Today Mr. Fantastic and I are suffering. It won’t last forever, hopefully we will be our usual selves in twelve hours or so. But, right now, my stomach aches, my muscles hurt, there is a strange pressure in my adam’s apple, I feel what seems like permanent nausea…even my eyeballs are in pain.
But we suffer together, he and I. There is something to that.
I crawled into a warm bath for some comfort at midnight. And then I began to remember the times we have suffered together in the past.
When we were engaged, we wanted to walk in purity physically. We were on a mission to prove to fifty college students it could be done; not to mention to prove it to ourselves that Jesus could help us overcome temptation. We didn’t even kiss until the wedding. That was the hardest thing I had ever done. Maybe it sounds crazy. But beginning our marriage on that firm foundation of trust and victory was incredible. I will never regret it.
Early in our ministry life, Morgan’s boss was not his biggest fan. We suffered as we were overlooked, under appreciated, and even at times humiliated by harsh treatment. We knew Jesus had suffered worse. Following His example, we chose to forgive and to love our enemies. I cannot begin to list the benefits of those choices, or the number of people whose respect we have forever because of our decisions.
When three babies came in the span of twenty-seven months, I thought God had played a cruel joke on us. But where would I be today without my boys and the lessons that have come from mothering them? Fixing bottles in the dark while pregnant and exhausted changed me in deep places of my soul. Living for love is what makes us mothers. Only Jesus can teach that with such expertise.
There are more stories like these in my years with God and my husband. They all have the same bottom line. We suffered, together, and looked at our circumstances through gospel eyes. Again and again I learned that a God who would choose to suffer for me for God’s glory could certainly turn my pain into something more.
Compared to the life many people face, my suffering is not so heavy. That does not make it inconsequential. Don’t we always say it? God works all things for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. His purpose was to suffer and die for humanity. Even small wounds can bring us to Him.
Tonight I don’t face a deadly illness. Just a little virus of some sort that will be here today and gone tomorrow. I lie here under a blanket in the middle of the night, knowing tomorrow will probably be unpleasant. I am okay with that, though, because I know even this little suffering can turn my heart to God in a deeper way.
Paul told us this:
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace.” 1 Timothy 1:7-9
I am not afraid to walk through the day tomorrow. I will gaze upon God’s mercy every passing hour that the children are well. I will enjoy living slowly and focusing just on our own little family. Health is a blessing that we easily take for granted. Not tomorrow. We will walk through the day together, sick or well, and the gospel will make it all make sense.
