The first time I was awakened on Easter morning, I heard Morgan getting ready to leave at 6:00. Easter starts early for pastors. The second time I was awakened, I heard Jack screaming and Jase yelling. They were in the bathroom. They were fighting over the toilet. They were waking everyone up. They were ruining Easter!
The morning went along much the same. Finley pitched multiple fits because she (shockingly) wanted to eat candy for breakfast. Jude was sorely disappointed the oven contained brownies for lunch and not cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Jack laid low after being scolded for the previously mentioned toilet fight. Jase fought with anyone and anything who moved, breathed or didn’t move or didn’t breathe. He is no respecter of persons, apparently. I prayed a lot. Something to the effect of, “Jesus, you were resurrected. Please resurrect this morning!!!”
In the car, they fought over books. I took the books away and instructed everyone to pray with me. There is strength in numbers!
All the while I was trying to figure out what I could do to lead them out of their bad attitudes. How could I help them get their feet under them and walk in peace and kindness? Every attempt I made ended in failure. I was fairly discouraged about it by the time I sat down in my seat in church.
Then our amazing morning of corporate worship began. I was blessed by being surrounded by people who love God, who love me. Suddenly I knew this:
I should never assume that because things are not going smoothly, God is not authoring that moment. It is not always in my power to lead my chidren to the truth. Like me, they are born with a lot of human nature, and need to work some things out over time. They are not a bag of spiritual popcorn that I can microwave for three minutes and get a lovely bowl of peace, love, patience, kindness and joy. The only person I can truly lead anywhere for certain is myself. I can lead myself to patience for them when they are screaming at each other. I can lead myself to peace when they are fighting me about breakfast. I can lead myself to grace for them when they fall short. I can smile and tell them it’s going to be a great morning whether they think so or not. I can love. I can be kind.
And so I am off the hook, in a way. I have always known they really belong to God. I might as well let Him have His way with them. I can be a good mom by being like Christ. I can give them space to grow into their own Christ-likeness. I would never want them to do it just for me or because of me anyways. I may have given them life as babies, but only Jesus can give them new life in Him. Both are miracles, but mine is done and His has only just begun.
Thanks for this Carrie, that's so good (and I needed to hear it!). It's hard not to get overwhelmed with the tasking of raising my daughter. I really, really want her to love Jesus but I also know there's an element of that that is not under my control. Praise God that it IS under His control and He's a much better controller than me!