For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little. -Luke 7:47
I grew up being told that I had champagne tastes and a beer budget. (Hi, Dad!). I had to (gasp!) save my own money when I wanted more than one Cabbage Patch Kid. I thought very little of the amount of money club sports cost my parents. After all, I was going to save them so much when that free-ride to college offer arrived in the mail! I called my dad from a fancy Beverly Hills store to ask him to buy me a wedding dress that cost almost twice as much as my first car. He was silent for a moment and then told me to keep looking.
This list could go on for pages and pages. But here is the bottom line: I thought very little about what I cost my own parents growing up. I guess it was a combination of a stable financial situation and gross self-centeredness. At any rate, there I was, lost to reality.
Now that I have my own children, though, it is a very different story.
Having children is a costly ordeal. They cost you your girlish figure, your comfort, lots of money, sometimes your dignity, and other times your momentary sanity. Most of the time, I am okay with this. I was a full-grown adult when I became a parent and I knew (somewhat) what I was getting into with having a baby. I also knew the cost would be much higher than I could understand until after the baby was here, and I was even okay with that.
Some days, though, now that they are big and can comprehend that I am a person too and that I have feelings and I might possibly, maybe, perhaps have my own needs, I selfishly think they need to know what they cost. I seem to vaguely remember my parents trying to help me to see this when I was young. However, the ticket price only really rocks your world when you are the one footing the bill.
It goes a bit like this:
Child: “Here’s what I want: for you to be grossly inconvenienced physically, emotionally and monetarily, and for you not to be bothered when I turn around and ask for more tomorrow, or break something that is irreplaceable. Ok, Mom? I love you!”
Me:”Oh, really? How would you like to be me? What if everyone always asked for more and more from you and never stopped all day long???”
Child: “Please stop speaking in Spanish, you know I don’t understand any language but English!”
Me: “I am a person too!!!! I might need a shower- or to sit down today!”
Child: “Oh, okay, I get it. While you are sitting, do you think you could fold my clothes and read me this book? Thanks! I hope you get to feeling better after your break!”
Suddenly, the girl with champagne tastes would be happy just to have a quiet place to sit, no matter how comfortable or lovely the chair may or may not be.
I know that like my children, my understanding of God’s love is limited by my humanness. I’m sure God has more than occasionally longed for me to see the cost of His great love, and feel the weight of all He has forgiven. That bill did have my name on it, and He took it and paid it for me. No cost was too great for Him. He lavished His mercy whole-heartedly. I try to remember and understand until the day I see God and I will know fully as I have already been fully known (1 Cor 13).
I hope that in their lives, all my children will come to know first-hand what it means to love another person more than they love themselves. For now, all I can do is try to show them that it is good to give to those who need, no matter the cost. They won’t feel it rock their world yet, but when they do, I hope they remember that I did it with grace and kindness and that I ran into the messiest moments with joy streaming behind me.
And when that happens, I want them to feel the weight of the gift they were given, and give even more to every life they touch. Because we can only really love as much as we know we have been forgiven. And, oh, we have been forgiven so very, very much. God has expensive tastes, too. He saw us and had to have us. His heart’s desire cost Him dearly.
Thank God He ran to us in our mess, full of joy and mercy. Oh, thank God!
