first love and big trophies

 

“I see what you’ve done, your hard, hard work, your refusal to quit. I know you can’t stomach evil, that you weed out apostolic pretenders. I know your persistence, your courage in my cause, that you never wear out. But you walked away from your first love—why? What’s going on with you, anyway?….Listen. Listen to the Wind Words, the Spirit blowing through the churches. I’m about to call each conqueror to dinner. I’m spreading a banquet of Tree-of-Life fruit, a supper plucked from God’s orchard.” –Revelation 2:3-7 (MSG)

When I read this passage from Revelation, I think of the movie Up. (I’m not sure that’s normal, but let’s just follow this where it leads.)

Up shredded me the first time I saw it. I remember sitting in the theater with a baby girl in my lap and crying my face off. Good grief, Pixar, I was there to see a funny movie about a guy and a kid who fly to South America, and you gave me the sacrificial love of the sweetest couple who ever graced the big screen.

Those two tried to make their dreams come true and never gave up on each other. They dreamed of South America, of having babies, and of being together forever. But their path took a different turn than expected, and then Carl was so weary when he tied all those balloons to his house. Carl and Ellie were each other’s first love, and South America was their first love together. I just crumble a tiny bit inside when I think of the holy melancholy of it all.

Maybe it’s just because it’s Lent, and I get awfully deep during this season, but Revelation 2, Carl, and Ellie all make me want to remember what first love really is.

The first love, when every selfish thought was consumed by the revelation of what Jesus’ selflessness meant for me. When all I wanted was to shine the light He had shone on me. When there was nothing too precious that He could not take from me.The moment when my hands first raised in praise of the God who had made me, and my heart soared with joy that I had once been lost but now, He found me and nothing would ever be the same again.

Yes, first love.

The first love, when I thought that maybe, maybe friendship was becoming something more. When every phone call took four hours to say all the things we wanted to say to one another. When the dream of a life together sparked every cell of our bodies and souls. When marriage meant fulfillment and belonging was a kind of anointing we had never understood before. It was no longer good for us to be alone, and nothing could ever separate what God had united.

Oh, first love.

The first love, when a tiny body was placed in my hands for the very first time, and a soul was laced within mine forever. When I knew that I could never give enough to prove my love for them. The quiet, small days of bearing, birthing, and receiving the promised children God had entrusted me to parent. When I discovered that if I could just do this one thing right with my life, then everything else would always be okay.

We love because He first loved us.

I want to listen to the word winds blowing through our churches. I want to hear how great and mighty God is and let the blowing of the Spirit fan the flame of first love in my life. One day He will call each conqueror to dinner, and I don’t want miss my turn to dine with the first love of all creation.

One of my first loves/conquerors won a baseball tournament last month. Watching your kids compete and win is so stressful, and so much stinking fun. When they lined up to get trophies, I was nervous that they would get some giant plastic gold thing that I would have to dust for eternity until he grows up and moves out. (Because seriously, this generation is inundated with trophies from the time they’re old enough to walk, so we have 2 million already.)

Um…no. My son and all his teammates were given the biggest championship rings in the history of little league. Imagine the biggest class ring you’ve ever seen and then multiply it by 5. This ring doesn’t even fit my husband’s hand, much less my son’s. It is giganti-normous.

He’ll never be able to wear this ring, but at least I don’t have to dust it. (I may be the true winner here!)

Like Carl and Ellie, I have dreams and plans that may never come true. Like my son, I’ve won a few trophies that ended up different than I expected. But true first love lasts forever. No new knowledge or experience can add to that love, or take it away.

God is here, and He has one request to guide us through to Him: Remember your first love. Tie some balloons to your house and rise above the bustling world by reading ancient words that have birthed faith and endurance in generations of Christians before you. Treasure the way you have won the heart of your Maker, even if that love seems a little bigger and different than you expected it to be.

Because of the sacrifice made by our First Love, all our best dreams come true, and all our best awards await us just on the other side of eternity. There’s no need to cry our faces off, because the holy victory of it all will wash away all the pain.