a fire for christmas

Last night we had out first fire in our fireplace. Mr. Fantastic kindled a lovely flame that made everything in the house seem more… special. The stockings were hanging above it, and the lights on the tree glowed with Christmas joy to its left. I sat and thought how all of this beauty perfectly sums up every dream we had when we got married ten and a half years ago. A home, healthy loving children, and lots of love.

From where then, does the whisper of discontent rise?

People keep asking me what I want for Christmas this year. I have had trouble answering. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty of stuff I could name. But at the top of my list of wants is something more precious and dear to me. It says:

I want the wanting to end.

I would like a little more It’s a Wonderful Life and a little less Miracle on 34th Street in my holiday. Not that I am on a crusade against Santa- I actually like both movies. I just see a big difference in the lessons learned by the characters in the two movies. In one, Christmas faith gives a little girl the dreams of her heart. In the other, a man learns that his life is a gift to himself and to those around him.

I need a Christmas like that.

No one can really give it to me, though. I will have to get it for myself. I will have to look beyond my life, into eternity and believe in more than what can be seen and touched. I will have to trust that everything I don’t have, all that I wish could be real but isn’t, all that has been taken from me that I loved and wanted was all part of God’s grand plan for my life. I will have to learn to love all I have been given, even what seems to lack and ache.

The fire from last night has left a smoky smell in the house. It’s strange to think that fire, which ensured human survival in the past has become a special treat in modern times. We don’t need it to live, but we do need it to make smores. Maybe that is part of the answer for my Christmas dilemma, too. Modern thought has pushed a holy God to the side and we have found other fuel to feed our appetites. But He is an all-consuming flame, here to give me what I need most: the gift of enough.

And so I will whet my appetite for the things of God this Christmas even though that may mean a bite or two of burnt toast. Because after all, my life is a gift from Him, and it is wonderful.