Beautiful Lessons

He has made everything beautiful in its time.
-Ecclesiastes 3:11

The book of Ecclesiastes can have a couple of different affects on me. It can make me completely depressed (“Meaningless! Meaningless!”). It can also give me a strangely warm peace in the deepest part of my soul. I kind of have to be careful when I read it and do a constant survey of the condition of my heart. Today I read it and thankfully, I felt the peace of God’s plan for the world, for His creation, and for my life. I thought of the moments in 2010 that seemed terribly difficult, and how grateful I am He let me live through them, learn from them, and see his beauty in the ashes.

This has been a particularly challenging year for me. I realize how much I have “grown up” the last few years, and how this year was a time when lots of little growth in my soul became foundational parts of my life.

I became a Christian at the age of 18, and I was thrilled to hear that God loved me, that He had a plan for me, that I had a destiny in Him. I learned that He loves to bless His children, and if I had any needs I could ask and He would answer. I was young and didn’t know how hard life would be, or how much harm human will could do in God’s world. I was terribly in need of His acceptance and His grace and for several years I absorbed as much as I could of both and God began to make me whole and teach me to be wholly His.

My life turned into a fairy tale when Morgan and I got engaged and then married. I remember sort of floating through that time, feeling that somehow God had made everything just perfect, and it is still a season of pure bliss in my mind. Then three babies in less than two and a half years. I floated through that time too- completely dazed by sleep deprivation. It was hard for me to understand why God would do that. Why would He give us (what seemed like) too many little people at once? I learned to trust Him, though and to believe that He can make me more than I am if I will give myself over to His plans. And He was faithful to do just that.

Suddenly it seemed, we had several friends around us whose lives seemed to unravel. We were shocked and saddened by all that happened to them, and more saddened when it was the result of bad choices and sin. I clung to God in a new way after that. I kept more diligent watch over my heart, knowing that my own selfishness was my worst enemy. I hope I never forget that lesson.

In the midst of that, in the last few years, God has drawn me out of myself. I have been exposed to how needful the world is. I have heard and seen so many in need of not just love, but the basic needs of life. God has shown me how small I am in the world, and how great is the need for small people like me. My own problems seem so shallow to me sometimes, and I know now that while I am adored by my God, my purpose in life is more than to simply love Him back. I look every day for opportunities to live beyond my little house and my family.

This year I found a deep gratitude for the hard places. When God leads you into something bigger than you realize, the beauty of it will outshine the pain. The world will tell you just to hang on until it’s over or to find a way out. Don’t listen. Don’t try to make it easier, embrace the difficulty and rejoice in it. Every attempt I have ever seen someone take to make life easier only seems to create more difficulty. Escape into fantasy and you will lose the people around you. Harden yourself to it and you will lose your tenderness with God and people. Find a way around it and you will only face another mountain on the other side of this one. He makes all things beautiful. Learn your lessons and leap into the next hard thing He puts before you. You will be glad.

And so, I find now, at the end of 2010, to see how these stories from my life have been built to become something beautiful for me. To know I am loved, to see the blessings of obedience and the consequences of bad choices, and to know that I am more than just a girl with small thoughts and shallow feelings are all the biggest part of me. I have no idea who I would be if I had not collected them through these years. Honestly, I would never want to know. Along with my family and friends, they are my greatest treasures on earth.

May 2011 be a year of blessing and beauty and burnt toast for all of us. Happy New Year.