I have an urge today to grab every mom I know by the shoulders, look her in the eyes and shout, “Stop thinking you’re a bad mom!”
Because, to be honest, I hear it too often. I hear it from my friends; I hear it in the sighs of other moms at the library; and sometimes I even hear it in my own heart. Blech.
It has to stop, and we have the power to stop it.
Our kids need us to stop being so hard on ourselves- they are learning so much from how we view ourselves. Our husbands need us to lighten up and enjoy our role as mama. Our friends need us to laugh at the tough days and help them remember that a bad day or a difficult child don’t mean that you have failed.
But if you’re still pretty sure you are a bad mom, here are ten arrows pointing straight at your motherly ways that can prove otherwise.
10. You don’t know where your child is. Okay, if you completely ignore your children for vast quantities of time, if you’re not sure how they got to bed for the last few nights, wonder if they found anything besides ketchup to eat at their last meal, or haven’t seen them since they wandered to the neighbors house yesterday, you are a bad mom. But if they are just elsewhere in the house or the backyard, or out playing in a safe neighborhood with friends, you are not a bad mom.
9. Your children watched a large amount of TV today, or played video games for too long. Don’t get me wrong, if you let them watch HBO, or other media of unrated, grossly violent and sexual nature- Please never do that again. If they know how to defeat every level of HALO but can’t tell you what their grades are in school, you should change some things. But if they watched a few hours of PBS or some age appropriate movies while you did whatever you had to do, or if they played a rare marathon of games on their WiiU because you lost rack of time, CPS does not need to be called. Sure, media all day, everyday would be bad for them, but a day or two now and then is ok. Really.
8. The birthday party you threw for your child would never get repinned by anyone on Pinterest. Bad moms forget that their child has a birthday, needs a birthday, and deserves a special day of love. Good moms show their kids love on their birthdays. you don’t have to replicate a magazine. A simple party is perfectly lovely, and possibly will help everyone remember that cupcakes and musical chairs can be fun. The day we decide not to compare ourselves to other moms is the day we become the amazing mom God has made us to be.
7. You got angry. No, its not good to get angry. Yes, we need to be on guard and calm down or walk away before we raise our voices. But every mother in history has gotten mad and blown it a bit. That said, don’t scream and yell in your child’s face regularly. Apologize when you lose your temper. Pray for grace and ask for help. But feeling angry doesn’t make you a bad mom, it proves you’re human.
6. The baby still sleeps in a Pack and Play, the toddler sucks a pacifier, or the big kid still can’t read. That baby has no idea where he sleeps. (We won’t tell him if you think it would make him sad.) The toddler will not take the pacifier to college. And reading can be hard, and there are experts who can help. These things have a way of working themselves out. Just think how much love your kids get, how happy they are (most of the time), and remind yourself that you don’t have to solve every problem today.
5. You can’t afford to give your child what you feel is “the best”. This one will tear your heart out. A lack of funds, however, does not a bad mama make. Your children will learn vast lessons in these situations. Handled well, you will rise from in the challenge as an amazing example of faith, hope, and diligence.
4. All you did today was say “No”. Can we have Coke for breakfast? No. Can I invite my best friend for a sleep over on a school night? No. Can I have dessert if I don’t eat dinner? No. Is there a way to get my driver’s license and not have to pay for car insurance? No. No is a bummer. It wears you down and makes you feel like a jerk. But good moms say no when no must be said. Embrace it.
3. You walked by a huge pile of laundry, dishes, and junk all over the place on your way to bed. Your kids won’t remember if you kept the house clean every single day. They remember other things, like how you made them feel and what they did all day. Don’t major in the minors. Go to bed and start again tomorrow.
2. You forgot to pick your child up. Sometimes you will get sidetracked. You may forget soccer ends at 4:00. You may not realize it was your day to do carpool. Or maybe you just flaked out. A bad mama forgets often and never apologizes. A good mom hurries, smiles, apologizes, and sets a reminder on her phone for next time.
1. Your child is failing. Maybe she can’t stop lying. Perhaps he is terrible at math, or can’t write a paper that gets a higher grade than a “D”. Possibly he keeps getting in fights with his siblings, or he seem to be terrible at every activity and sport he attempts. She may be too hard on herself, mean to other kids at school, or refuse to go to the church youth group because she gets teased there. Raising children is hard, complicated, and sometimes confusing. But love covers a multitude of sins. Just because your child is having a hard time doesn’t mean you are a bad mom- even if it feels that way. You can’t change what has happened in the past, you can’t go back and make different choices for them or parent them in a different way to avoid the current sink hole of life. But you can start fresh and love them right where they are today, make your love known, and be ‘in it” with your child.
The bottom line for all of us is simply this: Good moms mess up sometimes. Our flawed humanity shows like a slip under the party dress of our lives. But we are ever-learning, ever-growing, and we never stop loving the families that God has blessed given to us. And most of all, no matter how rough the road of life becomes, good moms never give up.
The bottom line for all of us is simply this: Good moms mess up sometimes. Our flawed humanity shows like a slip under the party dress of our lives. But we are ever-learning, ever-growing, and we never stop loving the families that God has blessed given to us. And most of all, no matter how rough the road of life becomes, good moms never give up.
