Somewhere in my subconscious I feel like time stopped when we hopped in the farm truck (aka our mini-van) and headed to Texas for him to become a full-fledged lead pastor. In strange, bizarre ways, it seems we might be dreaming all of this while sleeping in our cozy beds in Nashville.
It’s not that we aren’t happy here. We love Austin; it has felt like home ever since we were newlyweds here once upon a time. We love our church, too. It is healthy, growing, and full of people we adore, with whom we feel honored to live life.
The thing is, I had no idea how much we would lose when we stepped out of the world of campus ministry and into the world of pastoring. To pastor well we have had to let God prune away a lot of unnecessary things in our own lives. He has bleached us clean, pruned us down, and then bleached us again.
We have experienced a desperation for Him and His word like we never expected. Our marriage has been chopped down so the weeds of selfishness could be exposed, removed, and new life could grow. We have needed every lesson from our past to overcome the mountains we face.
Pastoring is hard work, heavy with emotion, and requires all the brain, braun, and heart you can muster.
Our definitions of things like rest, work, honor, loyalty, forgiveness, maturity, faith, hope, sovereignty, and grace have all had to be honed to razor-sharp precision. There have been many long nights of the soul along the way.
Despite the grind we have felt, I love it all. This has been the greatest season of my life. It is difficult to put into words the friendship and kinship with Jesus I have experienced throughout these past two and a half years. My desperate need for Him has left me completely in love with the Gospel.
These days, I can’t seem to get enough of giving up something else for someone else because I get so much more of Jesus when I love others more than myself. I just want Him so much, I thrill at the chance to lay my life down for the people He loves.
I am not perfect. I get snippy. I get tired. I can be irritated, a little mean, and occasionally discouraged.
When that happens, I try to shut my mouth and pour all that ugliness out at His feet. I fail at times. But then I run to Jesus, get pruned and cleaned up and start over.
If I really am asleep in Nashville, dreaming all of this, I hope I never wake up. Yes, my life there was simpler and lighter. But I don’t want an easy life anymore.
I want to breathe in the Holy Spirit, take communion and know that I am living God’s will, and sing His praise because He is the best thing I have ever known.
Easy is cheap. A challenging life, ripe with redemption, contains enormous riches and blessings that money cannot buy.
Two and a half years ago I never would have imagined the days ahead would be so hard. Thank God for that. I may have shied away from the gauntlet God had planned. I know better than to fear what is difficult now.
There is no telling what lies next on the path He has chosen for us. But because Jesus is there, we will be too. After all, He is our dream come true.
Mr. Fantastic and I have been back in Austin now for two and a half years. This seems unbelievable to me.
“Any branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He cuts away (trims off, takes away); and He cleanses and repeatedly prunes every branch that continues to bear fruit, to make it bear more and richer and more excellent fruit.”
-John 15:1-2 (Amplified)
“You are My friends if you keep on doing the things which I command you to do.”
-John 15:14 (Amplified)
