I should have gone to Walgreens.
Because there in the middle of Ulta was the display for Too Faced’s mascara they have chosen to name “Better Than Sex Mascara”.
My daughter saw the display before I did. I heard her say, “Um…this is weird,” and I looked over to find what she was looking at.
As was I.
Then I steered her away from the display and I told her the truth. Like any good, modern, sexually healthy mother would.
“That is a bold-faced lie. There is no mascara on the planet that is better than sex. Don’t you worry, baby. Sex is way better than mascara.”
My mind flashed back to a day a few months ago, when I was asked at a marriage conference what my thoughts were on the purity movement and its negative effects on women in the church. I knew where the question came from. I have heard the stories of women who were told only certain colors and styles of underwear were “appropriately holy.” I have met women who were given purity rings and then struggled to see sex as anything other than a shameful or strictly-off-limits part of life for decades afterward— even once they were married. I’ve heard the stories of women who had sex before marriage and then figured they had lost the only thing precious about themselves, so what was the point of caring any longer.
This all makes me crazy. When we make sex too mystical and untouchable, it becomes a test and a discipline and no longer seems like a part of life that is meant for pleasure, joy, or celebration. We can’t put sex up on a shelf so high no one can reach it. Sex is not the nice china you only pull out on holidays.
But sex is also not as commonplace as a $24 makeup item.
Dear Too Faced marketers, if you actually believe your mascara is better than sex, I feel sorry for you. You have not had sex the right way. Please get some help. And if, by chance, you are just lying to sell more mascara, shame on you. Stop telling girls that sex is as meaningful as a cosmetics purchase. What’s next, a set of tweasers that is more meaningful than giving birth? Do you have a deodorant that’s more fun than a cruise to the Bahamas, by chance? Perhaps we could find a way to never need any of the real joys and blessings of life because you have self-care products that exceed spiritual and physical life experiences altogether.
Marketers of the world, you need to DO BETTER FOR US ALL.
My daughter uses mascara for all her dance recitals. She hates it. It feels weird to her while she has it on and she hates removing it afterward. For her to think sex and mascara are even close to the same kind of experience would be a tragedy. I refuse to let her be warped in this way.
If we want our children to have a better narrative than they are being offered in this seriously mixed up world, we will have to help write it. I have told all my kids that sex is awesome. THEY ARE MORTIFIED TO HEAR THEIR MOTHER SAY THIS, OF COURSE. I don’t care at all. I have also told them they will have amazing sex lives someday. I tell my older kids that the sex their teenage friends are having secretly, with people they don’t want to commit to, is fake sex. It is so much less incredible than the kind of sex they could have someday; because sex with someone who will love you forever, make sacrifices for you, who is willing to make sex better for you by trying all the things, is glorious and spiritual and the best reward God has given us in our earthly bodies.
Mascara is a paste that makes your eyes look bigger. It’s better than trying to color your eyelashes with pencil lead, I suppose. Sex is sacred, it is full of God’s love for us and our love for one another, it creates life and unity, and in my opinion, there isn’t much that’s better than sex in this life.
So, yes, let’s talk about sex and mascara so we can get the story right. Tell your kids, your friends, your spouse, and yourself the truth about sex. Preach the beauty of it to them. Let the holiness of it win their hearts away from the shabby and shallow view the world has of it. Let the fun and joy of it win their hearts away from fearing sex as some kind of sinful trap. Tell them sex with a committed lover can one day be a refuge, a safe place they can hide away and remember how beloved they are. I know that is a bold promise, but it’s what sex is meant to be. Be honest, tell them it takes faith, vulnerability, and a lot of courage to heal our hearts and grow to trust someone with our whole selves— mind, body, and soul. Tell them God will help them, that sex is his gift to us, to show us what it means to be united with another person in joy and pleasure. Tell them God himself is three persons in an eternally committed union, and it’s quite possible the best way to understand what that means is to understand the complex and beautiful gift of sex.
Then, go live a life that seeks to prove all that is true. And the next time you open a tube of mascara, remember that it will never compare with any of that. Swipe it over those lashes and get on with the actual best parts of life, the ones that bring us closer to God and to each other.
Make-up is just make-up. There are a million things better than mascara. Life is full of midnight swims in quiet pools, sunsets, the laughter of your best friend, open hands to catch you, late night talks with your parents, the gentle hand of your grandmother who needs you to walk her to the car, homemade three-layer cakes, old books you never forget, summer thunderstorms you can watch from the porch, the sound of the wind in the leaves, the smile of your teenage son, the tart taste of a really good orange, and more. I hope you find them all and laugh whenever someone tries to sell you another shallow lie about how anything you buy in a store is could ever better than all of that.
The next time I need some eye shadow, you’ll see me at a drugstore. Besides, they sell gummy bears there, too, and nothing at Ulta can compare with that. I know better.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
