I think CS Lewis was prophetically speaking about me when he wrote this. I think he was looking at these first two years of ours back in Austin and describing what could have happened. I’m pretty certain he was gazing right into the heart of my life, warning me to tread lightly through a difficult season.
Did you ever cross a Jordan, lay down a big rock and shout, “God brought me through!”?
I love my life. I love my family. I love our church. But I haven’t always loved the wilderness of ministry these past couple of years.
Doing things for God can be hard. Balancing a family and ministry isn’t easy. Mr. Fantastic and I, we have had the best of intentions all along, but that doesn’t mean we knew what we were doing.
God has been faithful, though.
As my husband fought for God’s church, I trusted God would remember me even when Mr. Fantastic didn’t. And He did. When the time was right, God reminded my husband I was waiting, my heart all locked up in Jesus.
I easily could have locked it away in my children, pretty clothes, a brilliant home, or a world of books. God’s heart was not at the end of a comfortable or easy road. After all this time, though, I knew He was the safest place for a waiting heart.
And it was even better than safe, in fact. I am more secure in God today than I ever thought I could be. I know Him in deeper, truer ways. There is a richness in my soul that envelopes me and cushions me from life’s harshness.
All because we took a seat on the front row. It wasn’t a seat we chose. We enjoyed the back row for years. At first we were pushed to the back many years ago in Austin. Then we found it so comfortable, we chose the back row in Nashville.
It was easy to hide in God when no one in particular looked for us.
I have found hiding in Him when you are surrounded by a crowd of people to be a challenge.
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-39
Even a crowd can’t keep us from His love. And isn’t love what it’s all about? For God so loved us that He came to bring us home. Love drives out fear. Love covers sin. Love you neighbor as yourself and God with everything inside you. God is love.
Front row, back row, or somewhere in the middle…it doesn’t matter. We’re all really here for love.
Maya Angelou once said this:
“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”
Oh, Ms. Angelou, you are a wise, wise woman. I took your advice.
It was totally worth it.
