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Carrie Stephens

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faded memory

Home » General » faded memory
“Seeing is not believing – it is only seeing.” 
-George MacDonald, The Princess and the Goblin



Baby Lady tells stories from before she can remember.  We have told her so many times how Boy 1 called her “Sugar Cookie Princess”, Boy 2 called her “Cupcake”, and Boy 3 affectionately called her “Pizza”, that if you ask her about it she will tell you she “remembers” it all.


‘What did Daddy call you when you were a baby?” I ask as I twirl a golden lock around my finger.


“Daddy called me Precious,” she says.


“That’s right.  Because you are his treasure, worth more than a thousand crowns or a million dollars,” I tell her.


She smiles.  This little girl doesn’t know hunger of body or of soul.  She is in a comfortable home with people who love her and care for her.  There has not yet been a day that she didn’t know love and feel love.   She has no memory of overwhelming injustice, or of fear or hatred ripping her world apart.  Every real and imagined memory she has is full of love, acceptance, and security.


Eventually, she will move beyond this stage, and face what we all do: that we are fallen from grace and in need of a Savior.  Someday, she will need to learn what all this love really means.


But today, I am learning so much from her.  Because just like my daughter, I have heard stories from before I can remember.

“For you created my inmost being; 
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful, 
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 
    your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
    were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.”
Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)

“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:6-8 (NIV)

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”
1 John 3:1 (NIV)

I tell myself these stories again and again.  How God knew me before I drew breath.  How He planned my life because He loves me.  How He died for me long before my earliest memory because I am His precious treasure, worth more to Him than His own life.

I remember all this, and the memory becomes more and more a part of me every time I think of it.  What is real and true is God and His love.  For the soul, believing is seeing, and remembering His love opens my eyes to be able to see Him.  

Eventually, I will move beyond this stage.  I will stand before Him and face this Lord I love.  On that day, I wonder if I will remember anything but Him and His beauty.  I know most of what I have seen in my life will fade away in His majestic presence.  

Then these stories of faith I remember will become much more than faded memories, and I will know what all this love really means.



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Do you ever just want to open your arms wide to God and laugh at the way life is completely ridiculous? Carrie’s monthly newsletter provides a chance to grow spiritually through a blend of rich devotional teaching and cultural hot take. It’s solidly grounded in the belief that God is generally in a good mood, and the closer we get to him, the more complete our joy will be.