Pain was something I generally tried to avoid before having children.
I knew pain as a tutor, but the only lesson I had allowed it to teach me was to try my best to avoid it as a consequence.
My appreciation for pain went something like this: Touch a hot stove, and the resulting pain teaches me not to touch a hot stove again. Lesson learned.
Then I had babies, and there were all kinds of painful experiences involved. Pregnancy pains, birth pains, healing pains, and nursing pains all converged on my life at one time.
Motherhood is painful. My understanding of pain as a tutor was no help for me. I was a mother for life, and I couldn’t avoid the pain involved.
I found that birthing pains are only the beginning. Growing children with free will and sinful natures can inflict pain in all kinds of ways.
There were many nights I rocked babies and asked God why it had to hurt so much.
I learned over time that there is not really an answer to the question I was asking. I wanted God to prove that my pain was not purposeless, but God does not often explain Himself when we challenge Him that way. The Creator of all things is not obligated to explain His purposes.
I walked on obediently and let go of my resentment that life, even inside the will of a good God, could still sting and wound.
The uncomfortable road has brought me here, to a place of peace. I am not afraid of painful circumstances any longer. I don’t close my eyes during the storms of life, wishing they could finally end.
I have found that God is right in the middle of the storm with me, always caring for me.
In fact, God’s goodness is at its ripest and sweetest when life has become bit sour.
It’s an upside down kingdom our God has made. The last is first. The least is greatest. Trials birth joy. Death gives life.
I am not afraid of tomorrow, for tomorrow is in the hands of the One I trust. Should I face a treacherous road ahead, He will be faithful to fill me with Himself as I follow my path.
And in the end, this road will take me home.
